The Children Are Watching

 

Friends, I think it’s time we sit down and have a chat. Maybe pour yourself a cup of coffee because I’d like this to be civil; maybe even light-hearted. The reality is we are long over due to say some things that need to be said.

There is a problem in our nation. We are not safe. WAIT! Before you turn away – this is not about guns. This is not about Democrats or Republicans or #metoo. This is about you and me and the generation of children watching us.

We have become an angry, rude bunch of people. We say things online we would never say to someone’s face. We scream and yell at our televisions and we watch “news” programs where people scream and yell.

The children are watching. They’re learning.

They are watching us shake our fists and scream profanity when we don’t agree with each other.

They are watching when we honk our horns at people in the car line at school.

They see us when we speed around the car stopped to let a child cross at a cross walk.

They hear the slander we utter under our breath about the family ahead of us in the grocery store check out.

They are listening when we gossip on our phones about the teen that got in trouble last weekend.

Our kids are paying attention and they are learning. That’s what kids do, you know. We like to joke and say, “Do as I say and not as I do” but it’s not a joke anymore. Our kids have learned from our behaviors and they are acting them out.

They act them out in the cafeteria when the boy ahead of them fumbles to pay for his lunch, dropping his quarters on the floor. They act them out in class when the girl next to them smells bad because there’s not a mom at home to teach her proper hygiene. They show what they’ve learned when they don’t go and sit by the lonely. They mimic our actions on the soccer field, the baseball diamond, the football field, the dance floor, the band room….everywhere they go.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you said something and thought, “Oh my word, I sound like my mother/father!”?

Our kids don’t even realize how much they sound like us. They are not old enough or mature enough to put it together yet but they do; they sound just like us.

So when we question how our nation has come to a place where kids could bully and ridicule and mock and kill, we need to take a long hard look in the mirror. If we want to be a community of kindness and love it has to start from within. We can’t say “those people” anymore. We have to say, “I will be the change.”

Listen, I get it. Some mornings are rough. Nothing goes according to plan, you are running late for work, you have bills piled up at home, and have no idea what you’re going to fix for dinner tonight. The stress of getting the kids to school with a mind load like that is immense. But honking at kids getting out of cars, speeding around vehicles letting teachers cross from the parking lot to the school sidewalk, flipping off parents you think aren’t going fast enough…it’s not okay.

I know know the cost of the private lessons and the time committed to make sure your kid is the best on the team. I know what’s involved in making sure they will stand out to college recruiters and coaches and directors. Yelling at the kid who isn’t “up to par” is not okay. Making fun of the ones who don’t run as fast, often fall down, play the wrong notes, miss the last step…it’s just mean.

I understand we are rushed in the grocery store. We have lists a mile long and we have to get dinner on the table and our kids to all their practices and lessons in the next two hours. But pretending you don’t know the mom you were home room mom with for three years is rude. It takes two seconds to smile and say hello. Being harsh with the checker because he’s not scanning fast enough isn’t acceptable.  Kindness takes very little time and it costs you nothing.

And the children are watching.

This is not written to shame and point fingers out at my community without pointing a finger back at myself. I have been guilty of heavy sighs and muttered comments. I have said snarky things about others in front of my kids. I’ve driven too fast in school zones and been inpatient in car line. This is not a you and yours problem – it’s an us problem.

Let’s start today with a deep breathe and a prayer. Let’s ask God to remind us of the grace and mercy he shows us every single day so that we might show grace and mercy to others. Let’s build each other up with kindness and smiles and gentle affirmations.

The children are watching.

Newspaper Salesmen, Bike Riders, and People Who Carry Sledgehammers

When I drive to church on Sunday I like to take notice of all the people I see. I’m usually by myself because I have to be to church much earlier than the rest of my family. Call it distracted driving or simply taking it all in but I like to think about the people I see. The man selling newspapers, the woman pulling a wagon with a dog riding along, the group of men biking in their multi-colored spandex suits…I like to imagine what their day will hold. I wonder if they will go to church today, if they will share a meal with family, or if they’ll be alone.

Of course I’ll probably never know for certain but it’s just a fun little thing I do. I make up stories.

This morning, as I was about to pull into the church parking lot I noticed a woman walking by herself. She appeared, at first, to be carrying a large stick of some sort. As I got a little closer I realized she was carrying a sledgehammer. It’s long wooden handle was held tight in her grip and the large mallet was swinging near the side walk.

I instantly started wondering what her story was.

Maybe she was recently attacked by a ferocious dog wall minding her own business on her morning walk. She is probably afraid of seeing the dog ( or any dog ) again and she wants to carry protection.

Maybe someone jumped out from the trees and flashed her sometime back. She was listening to headphones, singing a song, and didn’t hear the rustling in the brush and was suddenly confronted by a man in a trench coat showing her his goods. She screamed, he ran, and she couldn’t give the police a good description of his face. He was never found. She’s carrying that sledge hammer just in case.

Or maybe she’s spent too much time on social media that last couple of days. Her friends from bridge club, a few old high school classmates, and that lady from the library (what is her name?) have all been posting articles about the lies of Trump/Obama/Clinton/Huffington Post/Fox News…. They all claim to have the true story. They know our country is doomed. Someone is going to come and take away our insurance and raise out mortgage and call our vaginas ugly names.  Russia is going to bomb us, the Muslims are going to burn our Bibles, and Dear God….WHO IS GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE SUPER BOWL?!?!??!?!? She’s very worked up because of the visceral energy and she’s afraid to comment or post because she doesn’t want to offend or be attacked. She’s completely on edge, not thinking clearly, and her husband told her she needs some fresh air and a break from her phone. She slides on her sneakers, begrudgingly, and heads out for a walk but in her agitated state of mind she picks up a sledgehammer. It totally seemed logical to her in the moment.

I don’t know. It could have been any of those options. Or none. I don’t know.

There are other things I don’t know. Like what’s going to happen tomorrow. My family, my home, my friends, my job, my kids schools….there are uncertainties in all those areas.

Here’s what I do know. Carrying a sledgehammer isn’t going to make any of it better.

If I spend too much time (and right now “too much time” feels like any time) on social media I am going to read things I don’t agree with. I’m going to see people with different points of view. I’m going to see articles posted that may or may not contain facts. I’m going to see friends attacking each other and saying mean and nasty things. And I’m going to get caught up in it all. I’m going to  keep scrolling and keep opening and keep looking for someone to say something that feels kind or good or nice. And frankly, there’s not a lot of that out there right now.

And it’s not Obama’s fault.

And it’s not Trump’s fault.

And it’s not a women’s issue.

And it’s not a men’s issue.

It isn’t an LGBQT issue.

It’s a heart issue. It’s an issue where our hearts are full of sin and hatred that need to be covered by Jesus.

This morning at church we sang one of my favorite songs (This Dust) and I couldn’t help but think about how broken we all are. Every single one of us is flawed and  but we can’t seem to wait to point our fingers and raise our fists and yell at each other, pointing out the nastiness we see. And yet it’s that nastiness that Jesus came to save; it’s the worst in us that he died for.  We don’t have to live in fear and we don’t have to harbor angst because he’s seen the worst. He’s faced it and he’s conquered it. He’s with us. He’s got this.

So maybe we all take a little break. Maybe we turn off Facebook for a day or two. Maybe we shut off our Twitter feed for a few hours and turn off the news. Not forever. Just for a little while.

Let’s all go for a walk by the lake. Let’s rake some leaves. Let’s use our God-given bodies and breathe in the fresh air he has given us.

How about we invites some friends over to watch football and we share a meal?

Whatever we do, let’s all lay down our sledgehammers for a while. They’re awful heavy to carry around and they make us look crazy.