I had an idea. It was really a plan of sorts. I decided to start a thing on Mondays called “Monday Musings.” The idea was that I would share some mild musings. You know, funny things from my weekend, dreams, goals, or ideas for the week ahead, and, on occasion, makeup tutorials. It would live on Instagram and push through to my Facebook Page.
Yesterday, however, I woke up with a terrible stomach bug that altered all my plans. I was so disappointed because it was the first day of school, the first day back to regular schedules for everyone. I wanted to be the mom, dressed and ready, and I wanted to drive them to school to take pictures as they walked in. I wanted to jump into work with writing and planning and cleaning and bright and shiny offerings to the world.
The stomach bug knocked me out, and I was incredibly frustrated. But the frustration wasn’t only because my plans for the day were altered. And frankly, not just because no one likes to spend a day vomiting. My disappointment was because I have been battling my body all year. I’ve been fighting for years. This year has been extra rough, though. I have had a cough and wheeze for months that won’t go away. And in the last week, I’ve felt stronger. I’ve had more energy. I’ve been sleeping well and felt like the supplements I’m taking are making a difference. I was excited for the first day of school for my kids but also me. I spent the day sick but also throwing myself a pity party.
Today is a new day, though. I am resting, still afraid to eat, but mending. And I started thinking about how sometimes, our expectations can be so far from our reality, that we tumble into the chasm between the two. And sometimes, God slows us down for reasons we don’t understand.
I’m not saying God caused my stomach bug or my cough. But what I am saying is that God is capable and willing to work in my life regardless of what is going on. And he often uses the downtime, the time when my plans go awry, to remind me that his plan is always best.
This morning I read a devotion by Henri Nouwen and was reminded of the split between divinity and humanity inside my soul. The Holy Spirit lives within me; God is with me forever. And yet while I am on this earth, present in this human body affected by sin and darkness, I will always be torn. I will still be split between chasing my plans and my desires and in resting peacefully in the arms of Jesus, who says I never have to chase anything.
So maybe next Monday I’ll get around to Monday Musings and maybe not. But what I know for sure is that God’s will and God’s way are always filled with the utmost love for me. And I know his plans for me are good.